At the Worst

This is just another episode of me contemplating instead of studying. 

It's just easy to love someone at their best; 

To congratulate them on their big day--birthday, graduation, wedding, etc. 

It's easier to reach them

It's easier to be happy for them 

It's easier to cherish the moment 

But, 

how about at their worst? 

When they helplessly crying for help

When they desperately calling because they need someone to talk to, 

to ease the burden, 

to lift the weights on their shoulder, 

This thing bothers me a lot recently, 

I am forever grateful for everything I have today, but I don't like having transactional relationship with God and fate. 

If the endless suffering is the price I have to pay to be able live in the life I am now. Then take all my money.

I don't want this. 

I just want to have a peaceful life like when I was sixteen.

because now, happiness is my another torture.

because when I'm supposed to be happy, I'm wondering about something that supposed to be there. But isn't. 

because when I'm supposed to enjoy the joy, I'm getting worried of what kind of worst thing I have to pay for that joy. 

Anyway, there's no one interested with the struggling story. People only waited on the finish line, when you finally nailed it. But on the way? 

Maybe they're too afraid to help,

or simply, don't care.