Initially, I thought that after coming back from Oxford, after having that degree after my name, the job would appear magically. But, oh, boy, I was totally wrong about this.
I am frustrated because I don't even know what I want to do. My brother keeps insisting that I'm just feeling anxious because my peers got accepted to residency programmes. He told me I need to stop doing something just because I feel I am behind others, because I'm not.
As much as I hate to admit it, I know deep down that what he said is 100% true. I keep coming back to applying for clinical work because I feel like I still have another to-do list: become a cardiologist.
And to be eligible for applying, I need a recommendation letter and one year of experience working at the ER.
Then, the next question is... what's the point of my Oxford degree then?
I tried to apply to several public health positions, but I got only one interview invitation, with no follow-up. Honestly, I'm so frustrated because it feels like there's nothing I could do.
Yesterday I met a friend who is flying to Manchester today. He's doing his PhD. Sounds cool. But I know PhD is not for me at this moment. So, not yet.
But oh my God, just tell me what to do...
and after Oxford, after all those God knows how long sessions at Bod Old Library, I'm sitting back at my pink bedroom and wondering what am I going to do for life?
It's been a long time since having a dream scared me; I'm scared now. What if I am not smart enough, not strong enough, or not gifted enough to be a cardiologist?
Why am I being so hard on myself? They said that if your dream doesn't scare you, then maybe the dream is not big enough. A dream is supposed to be scary, isn't it?
Just like FKUI, just like Oxford. Maybe Fona in the future will have already become a cardiologist who advocates for global cardiovascular health. She works at the World Heart Federation in Geneva.
Maybe the reason you want it so bad is that your future self already has it.
But even if your plans change, your dreams won't, Fon.
It's okay. I guess
Perasaan ini sama persis rasanya seperti ketika pulang dari Leiden dan teman-teman sudah koass sementara aku masih menunggu, belum ditambah waktu itu COVID dan patah hati.
Tapi sekarang kondisinya sudah lebih baik karena tidak ada COVID dan aku tidak patah hati. Jadi seharusnya semua akan baik-baik saja, kamu akan mendapatkan pekerjaan yang membuatmu senang dan akan selalu kamu syukuri.
Semua akan baik-baik saja.
Lagipula coba hitung berapa kali hidupmu berubah dengan tidak terencana?
Kamu merencanakan masuk FKUI lewat SBMPTN, ternyata tidak tercapai
Kamu tiba-tiba pergi ke Leiden, tadinya rencananya tingkat 2 namun jadi tingkat 3.
Kamu merencanakan internship di Gorontalo, ternyata jadinya di Bandung, tapi tetap jadi kenangan yang paling kamu syukuri,
Kamu merencanakan masuk THS, ternyata tetap di Oxford namun jurusannya IHTM,
kamu banyak sekali mengalami berbagai hal tanpa rencana dan semua ternyata baik-baik saja.
jadi untuk kali ini, ayo kita menunggu sebentar,
selamanya itu terlalu lama